Lady of the Night
by Lucy in Strawberry Fields
Summary: Bella works for an escort service. Edward is 108 old vampire virgin that is looking to lose his virginity, so he hires Bella for a night. Too bad vampire sex isn't as easy as everyone says it is. Dark humor. E/B
1. Introductions

**Just me saying that people in this story know that vampires exist. I know that it is not commonly used in fan fiction, but I had a hard time trying to write this story the other way. I hope you like it and if you do, leave a nice review. :)**

I don't own _Twilight_.

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Lady of the Night:  
Introductions

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I was ignoring my phone calls again. It didn't matter who it was, as soon as my phone rang, I put the ringer on silent and continued to stare blankly at the TV, which wasn't even on. I was sure that my boss was pissed at me for not getting back to him about the client that wanted me to escort him tonight. It wasn't that I wasn't interested in going to work tonight, I just couldn't convince myself to get off of my bed. I couldn't even convince myself to find the remote so I could turn on the TV.

My phone beeped, telling me that I had another voicemail. If I hadn't lost count, which I was sure I hadn't, this would be the seventh one I had gotten in the past four hours. I was sure they were all from my boss. No one else really called my phone, not that I didn't have any friends, I did, but after you ignore them for a few weeks, they give up on you.

I sighed as I grabbed my phone. I was wrong, it wasn't seven, it was six. I pressed my voicemail key and heard the recording tell me to put in my password. I did.

"Bella," my boss said, anxiously. "I need you to call me. I have a client that really wants your services tonight. You have my number, call me back."

I pressed seven, which deleted the message.

The next one played. It was my boss again. It was similar to the first message he left, only he sounded more agitated. In fact, with each message I listened to, I could visualize the vain in his forehead get bigger and bigger with agitation. In the last message he threatened to fire me if I didn't call him back within the next five minutes.

I hung up my phone and hesitated. I didn't want to lose my job, but I also didn't want to move from my bed. I was comfortable wrapped in my comforter staring at a blank TV screen. I was feeling miserable and I didn't think that being around people would bring me out of my bad mood.

Without my consent, my fingers dialed my boss's number. I put it on speaker and waited for him to answer. I was already working on my game plan for the night ahead.

"Why didn't you answer my call sooner?" he asked. I wondered when people stop saying hello. It was probably around the time caller ID was invented. "I've called you at least ten times."

_Six_. I thought, bitterly. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I left my phone in my car." I lied.

"I have a client for you," he said, ignoring my excuse. "He wants you to meet him at La Coraline at six fifteen. He'll be the one with a white rose."

I nodded, only vaguely aware that he couldn't see me. "Okay," I finally whispered into the phone when he didn't say anything else. "I'll be there." I looked at the alarm clock. It was three thirty. I had to get up now or else I would never be able to be able to get ready and make it there in time.

"And Bella," he added quickly when he realized that I was about to hung up the phone. I wondered when people stopped saying goodbye. "He's a vampire."

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My heart was pounding in my ears every time I saw the door open to the restaurant. Couples walked in, their arms linked together, and told the host their last name. I had never been this nervous about a client before, not even when I first started out in the escort business. I had to keep my eyes on the table to stop myself from staring at the door.

We don't have many clients that were vampires in my line of work. I've heard rumors of some of my coworkers getting a vampire for a client, but it's not an everyday occurrence. In fact, I don't think that I had ever seen a vampire outside of the TV, tabloids, and internet. They say that vampires like to live up north, because of the rain and cloudy days, but I think they prefer bigger cities than the smaller ones. Because I haven't seen a vampire in my small hometown of Forks, Washington

"Are you Ms. Isabella Swan?" A smooth voice asked from above me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat when I looked up. A very tall and very pale vampire was standing across the table from me. His bronze hair was comb back and his buttoned down shirt was tuck neatly into his black slacks. He smiled at me, showing two rows of straight pearl white teeth. Between his long bony fingers, he held a long stem rose.

"Bella," I corrected him out of habit.

His smile grew. "Bella," he repeated. "You do know that means beautiful in Italian?"

I blushed. I had been told, numerous times, from my clients that Bella meant beautiful in Italian. Usually I had to hide the annoyance on my face, but now I was trying to hide the blush. "I've been told that," I whispered. "Would you like to sit down?" I gestured to the seat in front of me. "I haven't ordered anything, I didn't want to order without you, I wasn't- I wasn't sure if you were going to…" I stopped talking, afraid that I would say something insensitive.

The vampire pulled the seat away from the table and sat down. His eyes were shining and his face covered in a toothy smile. "I am afraid that I will not be having dinner with you tonight, Ms. Swan. I have already had my fill early today."

"No," I blushed. "Of course not. I just, I didn't want to be rude and order something if you did decide to eat dinner with me." The more I spoke, the more ignorant and childish I felt. I was supposed to be the confident one and he was supposed to be the one that was nervous. That's how it was in my line of business. But now, now I had to try focus all of my attention on stopping my hands from shaking.

"I am sorry if I make you uncomfortable," the vampire said. "I know that most humans do not know-"

"No," I interrupted him, my voice broke. I smiled, nervously. "I'm not uncomfortable. I'm really excited to be here and I would love to get to know more about you." I was sure that he could hear my heart pound against my rib cage as clearly as I could.

"I would enjoy getting to know you, too," he said politely.

This made my heart leap and the blush on my cheeks go an even deeper red. My hands were shaking when I reached for the wine glass filled with water in the middle of the table. My mouth had gone dry.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I don't mean to look nervous, I've just never, I've never been an escort to a vampire before. I'm sorry if my behavior seems a little," I had to think of the appropriate word, "bizarre."

The vampire smiled. "I do not think your behavior is _bizarre_. I am sure that if I was in your situation, I would be acting in the same manner. I must admit that right now I am having a hard time not shaking myself. This is new for me as well." He let out a nervous laugh.

I bit my lip. "Yeah, but I'm the professional. I should be making you feel comfortable." I let out a dry laugh and looked at the menu in front of me then back up at him. "Do you mind if I ask your name?" I said, wanting to start a conversation that didn't revolve around him being a vampire.

He smiled. "My name is Edward Cullen."

I nodded. "Edward," I said. "That's a very handsome name. There's not many people named Edward anymore."

Edward nodded. "I was named after my father."

For some reason hearing that he was named after his father made me feel the tiniest bit more comfortable, knowing that he had a father and mother too, made him seem more human.

"Do you still talk to your father?" I asked, not realizing that he was probably older than he looked.

His face dropped. "No, he died in 1918 from the influenza. I would have died along with him if Carlisle had not made me into a vampire."

My heart skipped a beat. "I am so sorry." My eyes widened. "I didn't mean to bring up a bad memory. I was just trying to make conversation. I am-"

Edward laughed, which made me shut up. "It is okay, Bella. I do not mind talking about it. It was a long time ago. I have had time to heal." He smiled at me. I didn't smile back. "Do you want to order?" he asked. "Our waiter is getting anxious."

"Sure," I said, grateful to get away from the subject of his dead father.

Edward waved down our waiter.

I looked at the menu again, only now realizing that I had no idea what was on it. I had never been to this restaurant. I decided to get the cheapest item on the menu. I didn't want to waste his money, especially since I didn't have an appetite anymore.

"What can I get you today?" he asked, holding his pen to his notepad. His hands were shaking, violently. I sympathized.

"Mushroom ravioli," I said, pointing to the name on the menu. "And another glass of water."

He nodded as he wrote it down and turned to Edward. "And you, sir?" he asked. His voice broke when he said sir. He sounded like a kid that had just hit puberty, even though it was obvious that he was in his mid twenties.

"Nothing for me, thank you." Edward smiled as he closed his menu and handed it to him.

"I will bring your food out soon," the waiter smiled at me as he grabbed my menu and bowed his head. He walked away quickly, almost running into table before he went into the kitchen.

Edward and I spent the rest of dinner talking to each other. I'm used to talking to my clients before we get down to business. One of the things that my boss encourages us to do is to build a (professional) relationship with our clients so they will come back for more. Very few people like to be escort by someone that they know nothing about. And if they do, they usually get their escorts from the street corner.

"Do you mind if I ask you why you called the escort service?" The waiter had already taken my plates and we were waiting for him to return with Edward's change. I've wanted to ask the question all night, but I was too nervous. It was a common question to ask, it helped us to know what the client was looking for tonight.

Edward didn't look at me in the eye. He became preoccupied with straightening out the tablecloth. His longer fingers pressed against the creases as he pulled at the edges.

"You don't have to tell me," I added quickly. "I was just curious."

Edward looked up at me. "No, I have no reason to hide anything from you." He looked at the tablecloth again. I didn't say anything as I waited for him to tell me the reason he had hire me.

It's not uncommon for men to be embarrassed when someone asks him why he wanted an escort. Most of the time they're married and looking for a change, other times they're lonely and looking for someone to boost their ego. Sometimes, they're just tired of masturbating.

Edward let out a long breath. "I was hoping that you could help me with something."

I smiled. I had heard everything, there was nothing that he could say that would surprise me. "With what, sweetie?"

He looked up at me. "I was hoping that you could help me lose my virginity."

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End Chapter

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**So this is my first fan fiction. I would love if you left a review. I am so nervous about this story because I have so many great ideas for it and it would suck if no one liked it. I know it's kind of a slow build, but it's the first chapter. It'll get more interesting (and longer) in the next chapter and you'll get to know the characters better. Like why Bella is a prostitute and why Edward wants to lose his virginity. It'll be funny and dark. But there's nothing better than black humor.**

**Leave a review if you liked it. I would love to know what you think. :)**

_Lucy in Strawberry Fields_


	2. The First Attempt

**Thank you for all the amazing reviews. I really hope that you live in the US and celebrate Thanksgiving that you had a great Thanksgiving. If you don't live in the US, happy November. Thank you, everyone who reviewed and I hope to get more reviews for this chapter. Eek, everyone is amazing.**

I don't own _Twilight_.

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Lady of the Night:  
The First Attempt

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My boss once told me when you're dealing with a virgin, the best thing to do is be nice, sensitive, and persistent. You don't want to scare him away, but you also don't want to be too timid. They need someone to guide them, but also keep their confidence up. Normally, I would not have a problem with this. Except, most of my virgin clients were human. A vampire virgin made things ten times harder.

"Whose apartment is this?" I asked Edward when he stopped in front of an apartment door and pulled out a key.

He turned to me and frowned. "It is mine."

"Oh!" I gasped, covering my mouth.

"Is that a problem?"

"No," I shook my head. "I just, just most people usually take me to a hotel, the back of their car, a friend's apartment. They try to keep me away from their home, you know, in case someone they know sees me and tells their wife. Which, I guess wouldn't be a problem with you." I let you out a nervous laugh.

"Guess not,' he said solemnly as he pushed open the door.

I bit my lip and bowed my head as I walked into the apartment. This night was going so well, but the minute he said that he was a virgin, this night turned to crap. It wasn't my fault that I never had a vampire as a client before, especially one that was a virgin.

The apartment was bigger than my mom's house. A window replaced the southern wall. There was a black grand piano in front it, the ivory keys dusted and polish. A big screen HD TV sat in front of a coffee table and a black leather couch. There were two bookcases of movies and music on either side of the TV. It looked like something you might see on MTV _Cribs_.

I looked at Edward. "Do you mind if I see your room?" I asked.

He swallowed and nodded. "Sure," his voice broke. He cleared his throat and said "sure" again. He started walking down a hall toward the master bedroom. I took a deep breath before I followed him. My hands were shaking.

I closed the door behind me when I walked into Edward's room. He was standing by his bed, which was the biggest bed I had ever seen. It took up most of the room and had for post that held a white canopy. I smiled at him, trying to convince him that this was all normal and I was only intimidated by all the nice things that he had.

"How do we," he hesitated, "how do we do this?" he finally asked.

I took a deep breath and told myself that I could do this. It wasn't that big of a deal, it wasn't like he was a horse or anything. He had been human once and he was still a little human now. And so what if I was sober, I chose to be sober. I could have sex with someone without being plastered.

I turned around. "We just," I whispered, "do it." I kicked off my flats and pushed them next to the door. I didn't trust myself in high heels.

He nodded. His hands dug into his pocket.

I smiled at him as I grabbed his wrist and led him to the bed. When the back of his knees pressed against the mattress, I pushed him onto the bed and straddled his hips between my knees. His eyes widened and I could feel his manhood against the thick fabric of his dress slacks. I moved up so I was sitting on his stomach. I didn't want to hurt him.

"I do not know what to do with my hands," Edward confessed. I looked at them; they were palm down on the bed.

I smiled. "Don't worry, I never know what to do with my hands either." I grabbed his wrist and put his hands so they were holding my waist. I leaned down so my lips were hovering over his ear. "Just relax," I whispered. "Everyone has sex and once it's in, you won't want to take it out."

He nodded.

"Okay, I'm going to kiss you, is that okay?" I asked.

His fingers dug into my hips. I closed my eyes, trying to suppress a hiss. It didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable. He must have seen my face because he quickly removed his hands from my waist and slapped them on the bed. He mumbled a "sorry."

I grabbed his hands again and put them on my waist. If he did it again, this time I wouldn't react. "I'm going to kiss you now," I said again.

He nodded.

I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his. They were as cold as his hands were and very dry. I put my hands on his shoulders as I opened my mouth and traced his bottom lip. He didn't open his mouth. I slipped my tongue through his pressed lips and licked his teeth.

He finally got the idea and opened his mouth. He tasted like blood.

It was easy pretending that Edward was human; all I had to do was tell myself that his hands were ice cold because he had poor circulation and spent most of his time ice fishing in Alaska. His death grip was because sometimes he didn't catch fish when he ice fished, he caught hungry killer whales that he thought were actual fish, so he had to use his muscles to pull them out of the hole that he had carved into the ice. It usually didn't work, until one day it did and he won several awards for being the first person with anemia to catch a killer whale.

The reason his skin was granite and lips were so hard is because one time he fell into the ice and froze, but luckily they were able to defrost him before he died. By some miracle none of his body parts got frostbite.

The only thing I couldn't come up a lie for was the way he tasted. There was nothing that I could compare the taste of blood too. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't really blood I tasted, but the pennies he swallowed when he was a kid, but the image of him sucking animals dry came into my thoughts. It made me nauseous.

I pulled away from him and opened my eyes. His were still close. A smile formed on his lips, which made me blush. I suddenly believed the lie I told myself about the pennies he had swallow when he was a kid, which permanently left him with the taste of copper in his mouth. It wasn't blood that I was tasting, it was stale pennies.

"You taste like peppermint," he said when he opened his eyes.

I smiled. "You taste like pennies."

He laughed, showing off his perfect white teeth. "I am sorry," he apologized.

I shook my head. "Don't be." I took another breath as I tried to think what the next step should be. I didn't want to move too fast, but I didn't want to take my time in case he decided to back down. "I'm going to take off my dress now," I said.

I grabbed the hem of dress and was about to pull it over my head when I felt Edward's fingers wrap around my wrist. "Can I do it?" he asked. His topaz eyes shined.

I nodded as I lifted my hands over my head.

Edward's hands slid up my thighs, pulling the dress with them, over my waist and around my breast till the dress was over my head and on the bed next to us. I dropped my hands and bit my lip. I hadn't realize how nippy it was in his room before.

His hands dropped back down to my waist again. He stared at me, well, actually he actually stared at my breast. I grabbed his wrist again and held them to my chest. It didn't make me any warmer, like it usually did, but it felt nice. His skin was different from most men.

"I have only seen breast in movies," he admitted. I moaned when thumb went over my nipple.

"Really?" I asked. "Because you could've definitely fooled me." I wasn't lying, he was actually really good at this.

I leaned down, his hands still on my breast, and started to kiss his neck. I knew that I couldn't give him a hickey, but damnit, I was going to try. I started to unbutton his shirt, making sure to keep my lips on his neck. Edward stopped holding onto my breast and started to trace circles on my back.

When I finished unbuttoning his shirt, I let my finger slide the zipper to his pants down. Edward let out a gasp and tightened his grip on my back. I bit down on his neck and started to unbutton his pants.

He dropped his head so his nose pressed my neck. He was breathing heavily through it. "Bella," he whispered. "Hold on."

I didn't listen to him. I let my hand press against his manhood through his boxers. I could feel it twitch. He moaned. I smiled.

"Bella, please hold on." His fingers dug into my back, which made me flinch in pain. I tried not to act like it bothered me, but he was beginning to hurt me. I whimpered in pain, but didn't stop holding him. He was nervous, that's why he was telling me to hold on.

I let go of him and grabbed his cheek. I pressed my lips to his before he could say anything. His fingers nails dug into my back. I could feel tears of blood crawl down my flesh. It hurt, but I continued to tell myself to keep going, that the pain would pass.

In a quick movement, Edward had pushed me off him and gotten off the bed. My back hit the mattress, which made me take a sharp intake of breath. It hurt to lie on it. I flipped over so I was on my stomach and my head was in a pillow. I bit on it to prevent myself from crying. It really hurt.

"I am so sorry," Edward said beside me, I could feel the bed move where he was kneeling. "I asked you to hold on, I did not know- I knew this would happen." He sounded like I had punched him in the face.

I shook my head. "No, I'm alright, I'm just," I couldn't think of a good lie. There was nothing that I could say that would heal this situation. "No, this happens all the time." I lied, poorly.

"You are bleeding," he said. "I made you bleed."

I looked at him. "I'm okay. We can go on."

Edward's face was hard. He didn't say anything. "I think that you should go. I will pay for tonight, but I do not think I will need your services." He got off the bed. "If you need me too, I can bandage the cuts before you leave."

I shook my head. "No, it'll be okay. Nothing that a hot shower and rubbing alcohol won't fix." I smiled at him. "And I don't have to leave. I don't mind finishing up the night."

Edward shook his head. "I really feel like it is time for you to go." He was digging his fingers into his pants. The sound of the fabric ripping was the only sound in the room.

"Okay," I whispered. I didn't know why it hurt my feelings so much. I pushed myself off the bed and grabbed my dress that was balled up next to me. I slipped it over my head and grabbed my shoes.

Edward was standing by the front door when I walked out of his room. He held out the money that he was supposed to pay at the end of the night. I ignored him and grabbed the door handle instead. "Thank you for the amazing dinner. I really like your apartment." I said when I opened the door.

"Please," Edward grabbed my hand. "Take the money." He wrapped my fingers around the money. I looked at it and that at him.

"I didn't do anything, though." I said.

"For spending time with me."

I crushed the bills and stuffed them into my dress. "Thank you," I said.

"There's money for a cab," he added. "I would take you home, but-" he shook his head.

"It's okay," I said. "Thank you. If you need another escort, you know who to call."

As soon he closed the door, I pressed my head against the wall and started to cry. Not because I was in pain, not because I just got kicked out for doing my job, but because I was terrified. I wasn't terrified of what happened, but because I didn't care that it happened. I wanted to go back inside and finish what I started, which never happened before. _Ever_.

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End Chapter.

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**So here is the second chapter. And it's not how I expected it to come out, but I still like it. The more the story evolves, the easier it will be to make jokes. This chapter is a little longer than the first chapter; I'm hoping that the chapters will get longer as story goes on, too. Dude, I'm so nervous that I suck at this. So, if you like it, review. They are so cool, seriously. And I promise to update soon. Thank you so much, guys.**

_Lucy in Strawberry Fields_


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